Luminant Learning

Photo by Skydive Andes Chile / CC BY

Would you be thrilled to drive a race car, sky dive, swim with sharks? Or do you prefer the excitement of trying a new ice cream flavor, a different route to work, or painting your living room a creamier shade of white? We are complex beings and our capacity for risk has wide variations.

Long History

Risk is an inherent part of human growth, from our birth to our final moment of life we are involved in the ongoing task of navigating risk. As humans we have a long history of facing risk and learning to triumph. Homo neanderthalensis had to risk hunting larger, swifter animals in order to survive. Homo sapiens traveled across continents to find safe shelter.

Our own lives have an arc of risk taking: how we handled our first steps as a toddler, that first hour in preschool away from mom, that first attempt at developing a best friendship, that first job interview, that major career change. What helps and what impedes our ability to take risks? How can we become successful risk takers?

Pleasure Seeking

Neuroscientists now believe that the amount of dopamine in our brains is a key factor in how we engage in risky behavior. There are three separate dopamine systems in our brains and they oversee a number of important functions including physical movement, mood, sleep and the experience of pleasure. Dopamine is released when stimulated by a pleasurable activity or substance.

One current hypothesis is that a risk taker’s brain may have fewer dopamine-inhibiting receptors. These receptors work by monitoring the levels of dopamine in our brain and halting the production when there’s enough. When participating in a risky activity, people with fewer of these receptors may experience a greater positive sensation. Research continues in this field, with an emphasis on developing medicines to augment the dopamine-inhibiting receptors in order to lower the dopamine levels to a more normal range.

Photo by Lachlan Rogers / CC BY

Psychological Roadblocks

There are five main barriers to successful risk taking.

• Fear of failure, or Atychiphobia when it reaches phobic proportions, is an immobilizing belief that you might lose, not be good at, mess up or otherwise fall flat on your face when you consider taking a risk.
• Fear of success is the other side of the coin. Here the worry is that success will trigger discomforting feelings like competitiveness and envy. For those who have experienced trauma, the excitement of success can trigger physiological sensations that re awaken the painful traumatic memory.
• Cost — Every risk has a built in cost. There are no free lunches. Assessing and deciding accurately is not often an easy process.
• Perfection — Many of us were subjected to exhortations from our parents, teachers, and coaches to do our best. To do extremely well. To go the extra mile. How to take a risk if there is no way to insure a perfect outcome and avoid the cacophony of inner critics?

Overcoming the Hurdles

Since successful risk taking is a key factor in determining the quality of our lives, it is imperative to overcome these barriers.  Here are nine simple steps to insure a higher level of competency in dealing with risk:

1. Dialing into Feeling — You first need to recognize what’s happening for you emotionally. Are you irritable and tense as you prepare for work each morning? Do you have a hollow sensation in your chest when you speak with a friend? Are you happy, upbeat and relaxed when you are doing your favorite sport, or hobby? Do you find yourself comforted when you spend time with a loved one?These are emotional signals that can help you dial into your feeling state.
2. The Time for Change — When you are able to identify your emotional reactions, you can see more clearly what areas are in need of change. Of course, risk can be chosen or imposed but your feelings will still be your guide. An example of chosen risk would be your decision to re evaluate your job. You may decide to risk bringing your concerns to your manager or tend your resignation. An example of imposed risk would be receiving a pink slip, a diagnosis of a serious illness or an accident.
3. Positive and Negative — Take the time to make a pro and con list. Using these conflicting aspects as agents for more clarification is a tried and true method. Questions you might ask yourself include, “What will I lose?’, “What will I gain?”. Finish this step by exploring ways you can lessen your loses and increase your gains.
4. Be Prepared — Now is the time to be a good scout and put energy into preparation.  Contemplating  a new job? Research the job requirements, check out avenues for additional training, update your resume, alert your network.
5. Rally Your Tribe — Tapping into your network of friends, family, therapists, teachers, people that you have found to be trustworthy and objective when you need their advice, is invaluable. Asking for support, guidance and general info is an important step in successful risk taking. If you are a new mom, seek out other new moms to share your concerns with_ talking to a high powered, travel-every -weekend, childless friend wouldn’t be the best choice.
6. One Step at a Time — Try not to make a major change all at once. Instead, move in a slower fashion, weaving both threads of the old and the new together in your life. If the new job you’re thinking about requires skills you don’t currently have (or are very rusty), keep your current job and take a class. The risk-reward ratio is better.
7. Marinate — This is the time to let everything slowly sink into your consciousness. It’s time now to integrate. Let your actions catch up with you. Take stock and gather strength.
8. Ready, Set, Go! Take the risk, Just do it. Your action moment is here.
9. Evaluate — A successful risk taker always includes time to evaluate. Assess the outcome of your action. Review what worked and what didn’t, the positive and negatives results. This final step allows you to become more savvy, boost your self esteem and build courage and resiliency to face upcoming risks with courage and determination.

To Be or Not To Be

Risk is inherent in life and it serves as an impetus to encourage us to continue to grow and change. We can chose to be or not to be a successful risk taker once we understand that risk helps us become more masterful at navigating both our inner and outer worlds. We can use it to ascend the spiral of greater consciousness and increasing joy in our lives.

Photo by Eric Chan / CC BY

Chelsea Fagan has written a fun and informative post entitled 24 Rules For Being A Gentleman In 2014.

Some examples include:

4. Always text back promptly, even if it’s to let someone down gently. The worst thing you can possibly to do someone is leave them hanging so they can torture themselves with worst case scenarios.

9. Do not refer to things as “gay” that aren’t homosexual human beings. People who call things “gay” as a pejorative are truly the raisins in the trail mix of life.

20. Do not sleep with anyone who wants a relationship from you that you are not prepared to give. Using their affection to get something from them physically is easy, but it makes you a bad person.

24. Be compassionate, and know that you are allowed to experience the full range of human emotion. Where the gentleman of our grandparents’ generation might have prided himself on keeping all of his feelings in check for fear of seeming ‘feminine,’ a real gentleman knows that the best thing about him is his ability to be kind and empathetic. Everything else — yes, even the suit — is just icing on the cake.

Keeping good boundaries and acting from a place of integrity are key. Time to bring classy back.

I find it sad that by not talking about who I sleep with, that makes me mysterious. There was a time when I would have been called a gentleman.

Kevin Spacey

Read the full article here.