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“Man knows much more than he understands.”

Alfred Adler

Category Archives: Communication

5 Relationship Rescue Remedies

Posted on February 14, 2014 by Mary Martin-Blair

From this day forward,
You shall not walk alone.
My heart will be your shelter,
And my arms will be your home

Anonymous

Keeping a committed relationship alive and flourishing is an art form. Once the first blush of attraction (and lust) has faded, learning to accommodate the natural tedium and predictability of an established partnership often requires some basic refresher points. Here are five rescue remedies to keep the spark alive.

1. Be Kind. Don’t underestimate the power of simply being kind. John Gottman, a psychology professor at the University of Washington, has researched the ratio of … Read the rest

Posted in Communication, Family | Leave a comment

Really Listening

Posted on September 1, 2013 by Mary Martin-Blair

The Gift of Listening

The greatest gift you can give your loved ones is the gift of really listening to them. The return to school, beginning a new job, handling the care for an elderly parent, moving to a new home are all stressful events that can be eased by being able to talk to a supportive person.

Maintaining healthy interpersonal lines of communication in a family, a marriage, or a business partnership also depend on high quality listening. When sharing their concerns in challenging situations, simply the type of listening one receives can make all the difference.

There’s a

… Read the rest

Posted in Communication | Leave a comment

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Biography

For 32 years Mary Martin-Blair has provided psychodynamic psychotherapy, executive coaching and mediation services nationwide. She is a skilled clinician with a strong intuitive basis to her work. Her approach is marked by an interactive style, deep empathy, warmth and humor. Consultations are available in person, by phone or over the Internet.

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Answers to Common Questions

How can I tell if I need therapy?

Therapy is an effective choice when you are experiencing:

Relationship problems with children, spouse, parents, friends, co workers or boss
Unexpected crises (illness, accident, loss of job) or grief that lingers and feels overwhelming
Habits that seem uncontrollable (too much alcohol, overeating, internet pornography)
A general lack of direction in your life, a sense of hollowness or lack of meaning, low self esteem
The need to take your own pursuit of greater self awareness to a higher level, to utilize the support and guidance of a trained coach

Is therapy a long or short term experience?

Therapy can be both. We will decide together on a treatment plan and check in at regular intervals to make any adjustments as needed. Brief therapy is usually anywhere from three to ten sessions.

Sometimes a short period of solution-focused therapy helps resolve a current, pressing issue while a longer span of therapy is often very helpful for concerns that reflect deeper, more nuanced aspects of personal growth. Brief therapy is often most useful if you are relatively healthy and are facing a simple life crisis. Brief therapy emphasizes solutions.

Long term therapy is a more effective modality if you have experienced significant loss or disruption during your formative years ( alcoholic parent(s), lengthy hospitalizations, abuse, etc.). The emphasis is on exploring and strengthening your inner world in a safe, secure, supportive setting.

How do I know I’ve found the right therapist for me?

Choosing a therapist is an important decision. The following questions can help you make the right choice:

Do you like and trust this person?
Is the therapist professional, knowledgeable, and expert (writer, teacher, supervisor, coach, etc.) as well as competent and experienced?
Do you feel ‘heard”, i.e. is the therapist interested in what you have to say about yourself?
Do you sense consistency, reliability and receptivity in your sessions?
Is the therapist emotionally healthy? Seems to feel at ease with herself/himself. Does not seem anxious, arrogant or depressed.
Does the therapist have a sense of humor and, yet is willing to challenge you when necessary.
Is the therapist flexible but always maintains clear and healthy boundaries?
Is the office a pleasant, restorative setting?
Are you given clear, easily understood guidelines?

What kind of therapy is best?

Psychotherapy has blossomed over the decades since Freud initiated the ‘talking cure”.

There are many forms, the most common being psychoanalytic, cognitive behavior therapy, psychodynamic, existential, humanistic, brief, systemic, transpersonal and body psychotherapy.

Fortunately, clinical studies have shown that what is most effective is not the type of therapy per se, but rather the relationship between the patient and the therapist. If you feel safe and respected by your therapist, that she ‘gets’ you, then you will have a good outcome.

This doesn’t mean that you won’t have a moment here or there of frustration or anger, but that should be within the overall context of feeling understood (sometimes we have to hear something we don’t like in order to become more aware). It also doesn’t mean that you should ignore your therapist’s training. Being well-trained and having years of experience are invaluable assets and add subtleness to the therapeutic experience.

What is my role as a patient?

Psychotherapy is a bit different than a typical visit to your doctor or dentist. Rather than presenting a problem and having the medical professional provide a solution, successful psychotherapy is a collaborative process. You are encouraged to be open, honest and active in the exchange. Between sessions you reflect on the topics discussed and may even do a little ‘homework’, for example, write in a journal, record your dreams, practice new behaviors, etc.

What about confidentiality?

What you share in session is considered confidential and may not be revealed to anyone without your explicit written permission, except where the law states otherwise (such as a reasonable suspicion of child, dependent or elder abuse or neglect, if you present a danger to yourself, to others, to property, or are gravely disabled).

One other note should be added here: if you choose to submit a claim to your insurance company, you forfeit the confidentiality and privacy of your records. Most of the people I work with choose not to use insurance for this reason.

What are your hours and location?

I offer both phone and in person sessions Monday thru Friday with both day and evening appointments available. I also provide Saturday morning appointments.

My office is located in Pleasant Hill, CA. The office complex is “Mayhew Office Park” and is one block from Interstate 680. There is ample free parking.

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This content may be forwarded in full, with copyright/contact/creation information intact, without specific permission, when used only in a not-for-profit format. If any other use is desired, permission in writing from Mary Martin-Blair, PhD, MFT, is required.

Category Archives: Communication

The Gift of Listening

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