Photo by cneef
From this day forward,
You shall not walk alone.
My heart will be your shelter,
And my arms will be your homeAnonymous
Keeping a committed relationship alive and flourishing is an art form. Once the first blush of attraction (and lust) has faded, learning to accommodate the natural tedium and predictability of an established partnership often requires some basic refresher points. Here are five rescue remedies to keep the spark alive.
1. Be Kind. Don’t underestimate the power of simply being kind. John Gottman, a psychology professor at the University of Washington, has researched the ratio of kind to unkind interactions in a marriage. When the number falls below five to one, the marriage is on the skids.
2. Freeze Frame. “Be still and know”. When you practice Freeze Frame, a stress prevention technique devised by the Institute of HeartMath, you simply stop so you can evaluate a situation more clearly, become still inside, and frame the moment. Then, focusing on the area around your heart, you generate a positive feeling. Using your intuition, you ask your heart for an answer to the stressful situation. Value and attend to the answer you receive.
3. The Re Do. If you blunder into a delicate communication, request a re-do lest you dig yourself in any deeper. When you’re granting a re-do, let your defenses down and really listen as if for the first time. It’s also a good idea to offer the option of a re-do if your partner is flailing too much to request one on his/her own.
4. The Art of Apology. An effective apology begins with a sincere “I’m sorry”. Keep your tone modulated, make eye contact and watch your body language. Often we’ve had experiences growing up wherein we’ve been made to give an apology against our wills so those old memories may sneak in and alter your present effort at sincerity. Be alert. A final note here: don’t bother with excuses or explanations until you know your apology has registered. Or to put it another way, make sure the heart connection is in place before adding more information.
5. Share Positives. Strengthen your partnership bond by sharing together on a regular (best, daily) basis some inspirational verse, writing or prayer. These moments of combined focus and intention have real healing power. Sharing can also include something as simple as telling your partner how much you love them, appreciate their sense of humor or the way they remember to bring you a cup of tea when you’re busy at the computer.
Here is a possible verse for mutual sharing. It was written by Rudolf Steiner, a famous philosopher, educator, playwright and scholar, who founded the Waldorf schools. Steiner refers to the ‘archetype’ which means the divine aspect in each of us. He reminds us of the Jungian concept of syzygy: the powerful divine couple wherein opposites are joined together. Learn to hold the light even when you or your partner stumbles in the dark.
His words emphasize the special faithfulness that captures the desire to see the highest in those around us.
Create for yourself a new indomitable perception of faithfulness.
What is usually called faithfulness passes so quickly. Let this be your faithfulness: You will experience moments, fleeting moments, with the other person. The human being will appear to you then as if filled, irradiated, with the archetype of his/her spirit.
And then there may be, indeed will be, other moments, long periods of time when human beings are darkened. At such times, you will learn to say to yourself, “The spirit makes me strong. I remember the archetype. I saw it once. No illusion, no deception shall rob me of it.”
Always struggle for the image that you saw. This struggle is faithfulness. Striving thus for faithfulness you shall be close to one another as if endowed with the protective powers of angels.
Take the time to try out these simple rescue remedies. Keep the spark of love burning brightly.
Photo by brainfunked
